The Flaming Sword!
Reviews, Opinions & Criticism
Where Mathew and the Helm review books, movies, TV shows, music, games and whatever else tickles their fancy or draws their ire.
Guardians of the Galaxy
2014 Marvel. Directed by James Gunn. Running time: 121 minutes. PG 13. Starring: Chris Pratt, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldana
Helm: This was a very enjoyable film that showed how even misfits and outlaws can strive to defend the forces of light against the forces of darkness if they are in proper shape and not overly lazy.
Mathew: Dang it, Helm! I thought we agreed that you weren't going to use this review as a platform to publicly criticize me about my weight. I've been putting up with it ever since we saw the movie, but enough it enough and our readers want to hear about the movie, not about your opinion of me.
Mathew: So, can we just focus on the movie then?
Mathew: I thought this was an excellent film. It was gorgeous to look at, well plotted, fast-paced, funny and filled with great action and music. Plus, it's based on comic book characters.
Helm: And the heroes are all in top physical condition.
Helm: I am merely noting one of the positive aspects of this film.
Mathew: You're a jerk.
Helm: Apart from the fine fighting form of each of the guardian characters, I also found the film tremendously watchable and engaging. Even the character development was good for this type of film.
Mathew: I had a few nits to pick, but nothing major.
Helm: As I have explained to you, your nits were erroneous.
Mathew: Your nits are erroneous.
Helm: Do you even know what erroneous means?
Mathew: I totally do. And you're getting off topic again. This is a great movie and you should all go see it.
Helm: On that, we agree.
Mathew: And, it seemed to me like it was pretty family friendly. You know, in case you're thinking of taking kids to see it. This would probably be fine for kids as young as eight or so. Not too much gore, not too much sexiness. A little bit of inappropriate language, but what kid hasn't heard too much of that already?
Helm: I agree.
Helm: But one of the best things was that none of the heroes was obese.
Five Flaming Swords!!
Five Flaming Swords!!
Helm: I just think that you could use these heroes as a source of inspiration to eat less pizza and more salad.
Mathew: I hate reviewing movies with you.
Helm: And, perhaps to exercise on a more regular basis and cut down on everything that makes you... well... you.